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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Bowler hat fairy!!'s LiveJournal:

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Monday, September 23rd, 2013
9:17 pm
Delayed Update
Oh dear God, this must be the first time I have posted in about two years, hello Live Journal again!!

So much to talk about, but very little time to do so!! Here is 2011 to 2013 in a short summary:

October 2011: After months of agonizing pain and toilet problems, had a colonoscopy this month which resulted in my diagnosis of Ulcerative Colitis (Google at your own risk!)

November/December 2011: Stress and illness meant 'poor performance' at work as a reporter. Bullied and shouted at by editor all the time. Sickness got worse. In November one day just couldn't write anymore, mind was a blank. Parents took me back to Essex. This was an onset of a nervous breakdown.

January 2013: Quit the job, unemployed. Went to a lot of therapy. Didn't work so I tried to pull myself back up.

February: Got a job in a glorified call centre. Met a lot of fab people, made some great friends and got my confidence back very slowly.

July: Ongoing problems with Brad. We go on holiday in Bournemouth and on my birthday go for a meal. He goes mad about something I said in restaurant, leaves me to pay the bill and doesn't return. Try to throw myself out the hotel window but he stops me. Meet Rich in The Eagle pub in Deal after being left my Brad and his bandmates.

December: Brad's druggie mum throws me out the house at 11pm one very frosty night because I'm a "little bitch who should be thrown out the fucking window." Brad nowhere to be seen. I wander round Deal in the middle of the night wearing only a thin top and leggings. Find Rich at his pub and he looks after me until Brad answers his phone at last.

March: More problems with Brad. We go on a 2 day break, he calls me up one night drunkenly to have a go at me. I tell him to fuck off and leave me alone. Most empowering feeling in the world!

April: Rich and I get more close, end up one night at his pub touchey feeley then walk back to his where we kiss. He admits he's fancied me ever since he met me. We start dating a few weeks later.

May: I get new flat. Rich loses his job. Money struggles and stress.

July: Trip to Venice. My 25th Birthday in Italy

August: Result! Rich gets a job as Events/Bar Manager at University and I become PR and Trade Marketing Assistant at Hornby!

Rich and I were mates for over a year and met when I came to Deal to watch Brad's band play but as soon as I got the train down, I was left with him saying "Hey I gotta go, but this is Rich, Stu's (his bandmates) cousin!"
I got so annoyed and embarrassed I bought my drink and sat in the beer garden texting Brad "Fuck you I'm going back to Canterbury!" This Rich guy comes to sit down with me and manages to calm me down: "Just relax and play some pool with me!" I show off my terrible pool skills and we talk for hours and hours and find out we have identical beliefs and tastes (he's the biggest Clash fan!) He walks round with me at Brad's stupid gig and only leaves when he knows I'm ok. We chat a lot on Facebook and meet up a few odd times at his pub, but mostly remain distant as we were both in relationships. Long story short, found out I was with the wrong guy - changed it and now I couldn't be happier! As cheesey as it sounds, I've never had a bloke I connect with so much and I miss him a lot, even just talking to him! we are essentially living together now but I'm not freaked out at all, it's just really awesome :D
Thursday, December 31st, 2009
1:30 pm
just keep going
past the stars and into the faultless flying
that sings you straight into the muscles of time
cavorting in strengths far and wide
just keep going into a kissless world
that doesn't stop to watch your weights
tumbling down upon the earth.


plastic wombs are beating in the tunnels of my heart
the dawn is cracking behind your eyes
floating fires into my veins
and all I can do is stop the cylinders from crashing
into breathless carpets sinking in the floor.

If you're set in your Plathian ways
and cannot stand in deep damp grass
but look at the ovaries in the stars
as they are watching you with moonlit faces
then take your blood filled bags and set them home
on roads that parallel the wires in your arms

And your synthetic wombs are seeping
With dew that dressed a thousand girls
and uniforms stitched of reckless grey do not stand
against your skin like it should
but lay with me in your lion hands
along the weeds that grow on your mattresses and mine.
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
5:42 pm
Harlow College, what a surprize!
I think it's because I don't have anything much to do at night that I don't mind the early morning starts. It's strangely like how I started uni, I enjoy the socialising but I am not so keen on the actual course atm. Yesterday I had three hours of Public Affairs, which is taught by Lewis, the young scruffy teacher and he dashed through all the info so quickly, I had no time to write it down, let alone understand what the hell he was talking about! At least I was sitting with Hayden who is great entertainment in boring lessons.

Today we had two doses of shorthand, and media law. Shorthand is pretty easy as I learnt a lot in the summer, and it drags a little but it's ok. I don't really understand Media Law much, but I hope to get better at it soon. Hayden mentioned about going to Pizza hut in our two hour gap, so a load of us went into town, but we changed our minds and went to the pub instead. It was a lot of fun, Nick was there too and it was a good laugh. Sarah and I got quite tipsy on our one pint of beer and were giggling throughout. When we got into class again we couldn't stop laughing at random things which drew a lot of attention from everyone else! Coz a lot of us had beer we felt really sleepy in our last class, which was very boring! And now I'm back in my house again. I have homework to do but I'm too hungry to do it now! Will have to wait until the Chans leave the kitchen free.

Current Mood: hungry
Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
5:21 pm
Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
8:45 pm
Dave is awesome. I cut my hand on my mirror today and it really hurt when the nurse probed it, so Dave bought me pepperoni pizza, a chocolate bar and choc chip cookies to make me feel better. Did I mention he is awesome??
Saturday, January 17th, 2009
6:49 pm
Writer's Block: Comfort Food
When times are tough or you're feeling down, what's the one food you can count on to make you feel better?

Something really stodgey (stodgey is good btw) like my mum's stew or maybe a nice big curry. If I'm really upset cookies and chocolate pudding are great.
Monday, December 8th, 2008
9:46 am
Writer's Block: Untimely Passing
RIP John Lennon. The list of sudden and unexpected celebrity deaths is long—Princess Di, Heath Ledger, Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe, and many more. Which one affected you the most on an emotional level?

Celebrity deaths never affect me on an emotional level, but I do remember playing Starship Titanic years ago and finding out that Douglas Adams had recently died, it was a great loss.

However the ending of the game seemed quite poignant as Douglas's character (yes he was in the game!) said 'All I want is the love of a good woman and a fishing rod...don't try to look for me, you won't find me, my life's work is done, and I've gone fishing, goodbye.'
Thursday, December 4th, 2008
10:39 am
Writer's Block: Gone but Not Forgotten
Many beloved television shows are no longer with us, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Six Feet Under, and Mystery Science Theater 3000. What defunct television show do you miss the most?

I got kinda hooked on Veronica Mars although it dwindled in the last series, on a similar note I really miss the outstanding quality of the first Dead Like Me series, but that lost its touch in the second series.

I really miss Green Wing, Black Books and spaced, but I think series like Scrubs, Friends and The Simpsons have run waay too long - they should make space for any decent newcomers.
Sunday, June 1st, 2008
5:40 pm
You know the parlor trick.
Wrap your arms around your own body
and from the back it looks like
someone is embracing you,
her hands grasping your shirt,
her fingernails teasing your neck.

From the front it is another story.
You never looked so alone,
your crossed elbows and screwy grin.
You could be waiting for a tailor
to fit you for a straitjacket,
one that would hold you really tight.

Billy Collins.

Current Mood: pensive
Thursday, March 6th, 2008
1:12 pm
Argh!! narratives are so hard to write!
Tuesday, March 4th, 2008
12:36 pm
Oh help help help!

It's already half twelve, I'm still in my pjs and I have no idea how to start my narrative story...I had an idea last night but I'm not sure, it seems too sloppy and sentimental. Argh! I've been looking for inspiration ages but nothing has come to mind. Also my laptop battery is dying, the plug doesn't work well so I'm a bit screwed if it goes to pot.
Sunday, February 24th, 2008
2:20 pm
Monday, March 12th, 2007
12:42 am
Acid Jam
Went to London last night with Nish, Arwen, Sven, Aimee and random ppl to go to Acid Jam which is a little place upstairs in a pub where people get together and jam with loads of instruments. Twas good, though at the end as people started getting even more stoned/drunk the music became a bit unbearable. Also the bloody smoke was giving me a headache *cough cough*.

I was a little tipsy, but just so to be mildly entertained by wierd guys like one who tape recored mine and Aimee's coversation about penises (lol) and wierd drunk guy at the bar who had totally lost control of his use of language but I think managed to compliment Aimees boobies hehe. I have bruises on my legs, not sure where they come from - maybe coz when I managed to sleep for an hour in Arwen's friends room I slept on the floor, upon some wires. We got up to get the coach back to Canterbury about 7am.

I will have to start one of my essays tommorow, a tad worried as I seem to be getting more bad grades and instead of actually working I watch family guy or update this which is completely pointless.
Thursday, February 1st, 2007
11:45 am
Tra la la
Saturday, January 13th, 2007
6:45 pm
I write on this way too much, but...

I'm feeling very happy, despite having a rotten cold I feel relaxed and content. :)

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, December 17th, 2006
12:34 am
He is the jesus of the computers - 'Healing Haaands!'
That last entry didn't elaborate on much. I have nothing better to do so I'll update.

Thursday - Pop night, went with Aimee, Richard and Dave, shortly followed by the neighbours and Ed. Was good coz I got very drunk I can hardly remember the end of it, Dave took me home and when he went I slept in a comatose style. When I woke up I was startled to find that there was sick all over my mattress, I must have thrown up in my sleep or something. Good thing I wasn't lying on my back.

Friday - Didn't really have a hangover after the drunken pop night, I managed to get up and showered in time before Dave came over and speltchecked my work. Theres nothing worse when you feel knackered and have to look over essays in the morning. Urgh. We managed to get them done and printed in my bedroom, then we rushed off to the School of English where other latecomers were writing furiously fast on thier cover sheets and getting all the papers in a tangle - maybe that was just me.

Its really bad but I can hardly remember what I did in the day despite Friday being only the other day. I recall I went round Dave's house and we watched Roger Rabbit and ate cheese toasties before he fell asleep for a bit. Selina called and we decided to meet her and Aimee to have chinese takeaway together. We went to Selinas flat and ordered our food, I had duck with fried rice in black bean sauce it was well nice! but I couldn't eat it all which was a shame. They all think i'm wierd coz I have a pet duck and yet I happily eat duck meat, how can you not when it tastes so damn good? Dave can't eat properly and made a right mess of his meal, I had to clean him up several times tsk. When we had enough, Dave threw spring rolls, toilet roll and various objects out the window.

We then went to the venue, I was feeling shit coz I hadn't washed my hair and hadn't had a lot of makeup on but we ended up having a good time. Selina got quite drunk, but she was so sweet! shes the most adorable tipsy person I know! I met Hugh, this guy from my seminar at the bar when I was getting my vodka and coke. He is really cool, we had a long chat as the bar staff took so bloody long. We found out we hate the same people in our seminars, one guy in particular which was funny, I thought I was the only person who thought he was a git! I hope Hugh will be in my seminars after xmas.

Later in in the night we danced a lot, which was fun. When we left the venue the drunkeness wore off and we all got really hyper. Someone pointed out a tree and we were like ooh lets climb it! Dave, Selina and I hung from the branches, that was so hilarious! I managed to break some of the branches...sorry Mr Tree! We had photos taken in front of the big pine tree on campus with the fairy lights and then balanced on top of bike ramps. When we got back to ours, we rugby tackled each other on the wet grass, getting very dampin the process. Aimee and Selina ran outside and kicked round a ball which I joined in with, I dunno why we did that, none of us are particulary sporty! We ran about a lot and more wrestling occurred.

I asked Aimee if she wanted to roll down the hill with me, and she was like 'yeah!' I hadn't done that for ages, I love going really fast till my head spins, and we both got really muddy! (see Aimees photo of us two on her journal!)Selina apparently went to sleep in the kitchen, bless her. There was lots of cuddling and saying 'I love youuu!' which was so sweet and just a great way to end the term for me, it made me so happy to feel a strong bond with those guys. And I will miss Aimee loads.

Saturday - Well, most of last night was Saturday morning, but I will start with when I woke up after several hours sleep. I went back to mine at 8ish and got dressed. I got a phone call from my Dad, coming to take me home which was earlier than I expected. I rushed to throw all my stuff together so when he came I pretty much packed everything. I also got my parcels today yay! The nice man at reception told me there was a seprate section for parcels so I was chuffed getting them and going home. Had bacon when I got back, though I ended up cooking for everyone despite being totally knackered.

I decorated the two christmas trees today as well, which was nice but I was getting grumpy coz I was so tired. But it is great to be home, I missed having my own space though things here are quite hectic at the moment, mum didn't greet me that happily when I got home. I think its the stress of xmas getting to her. Ate loads but i'm still hungry, Gregg and Immy came over to watch Muppet Christmas Carol with me, Immy and I freaked Gregg out by practically singing to every song in that awesome movie haha! Gregg managed to heal my laptop by putting his hands over it!

I have a feeling that this journal will be updated a lot more, now I have not much to do!


Current Mood: hungry
Thursday, November 30th, 2006
11:33 pm
A list of things at Uni...
I'm going to nick someone's idea and list all the things which describe my time here at University! :)

Teeny Weeny
Port Wang
Vodka and processed cheese
Fire Alarms going off too much
Pasta - nooo!!
Noodles - Argh so many!
Dirty kitchens
Mouldy Cups
Breaking glasses
Stealing glasses
Alcoholic towers
Getting plastered
Medics on campus
White Russian
Loans/bursaries up the creak
Spending more money on drink than food
The Atom
Green Wing
MSN - We use it too much!
Spilling stuff on your laptop
Breaking your laptop
Drunkenly destroying things in your house
Cheese on toast
Cheese toasties
Wierd changable weather
People breaking up
People getting together
Coffee - and lots of it
Staying up all night
Going to early morning lectures tired/hungover
Falling asleep in lectures
Snakebite night with Mark!
Freshers Ball
Mafia night! dressed as the mob
Halloween! dressed up again
Having no money :(
Spending money on stuff you don't need
Youtube! incl:
Lee Evans
Bill Bailey
Monty Python
Will it Blend?
Sick Animation
Drunken snogging - everyone did it!
Wearing my bowler hat too much
Walking in the rain
Shouting 'I love penises!'
Saying things like 'meh' 'ker' 'pwned'
Last minute assignments
Cooking over Selinas
Watching TV/DVDs on Dave's massive HD screen
Pop night every Thursday at the Venue
Getting lost in Rutherford
Eating curly fries on Origins
Rock night in the Atom
Cocktails in Dolce Vita
Not attending all the clubs you wanted to go to because you can't be asked
Food being stolen in my house

Current Mood: bored
Saturday, November 18th, 2006
4:22 pm
Ascending endlessy and I don't even have to try
Thursday we went to the venue, we being me, Ed, Dave, Sabrina, Anni and Simon though we did meet up with Seb. Richard, Curly Dave and Sian when we got there. Unfortunatley I didn't talk to Seb that night which I should have coz he probably thought I was ignoring him or something oops. Its like Mark's friend, Stuart who always sees me on campus but I walk past him coz I honestly can't see anything without my glasses! Makes me sound aloof and unfriendly but i'm not!

The venue was good, they did play some good stuff but most was unidentifiable crap, which sounds ok when you're drunk but really its not. Yeah so I got drunk again, what a surprise! it always happens but its all good coz it means I can have a good time despite making an arse out of myself sometimes! I don't think I fell over or did anything particulary embarrassing that night. People kept buying drinks for me which was nice. It was fun going out with Sabrina as we don't see her that much and she has a really good sense of humour. She takes the piss out of my name, but to be honest, i'd do the same if it was me!

Me, Ed, Simon and the rest of the Darwin people went back to our houses, they ordered food but I went to bed seeing as I had a seminar the next day. Selina rang me but I really can't recall what she said! I ended up falling asleep on lots of change so when I woke up at eight I had pennies imprinted into my back. The seminar was ok, little boring but there was only two other people who showed up. My parents took me home on friday at one, I think. My mum was angry with me so she said nasty comments all morning and made me carry all my stuff to the car without helping me which really hurt my shoulders :(

Immy was feeling low yesterday, something about having a rough day at work. She then went out to see Gregg and Jeff and I spent the night reading my book for Monday - The Golden Ass. Couldn't be bothered to watch tv, I find it too mundane nowadays. Today, in about an hour my big sister Ju and hubby Gaz are coming round...it should be nice, will be a bit wierd though. I'll show her and Paul when he comes over, my photos from uni and make them jealous again. I might do some tea leaf reading for Ju, I read her tea leaves a lot when she comes over...its funny coz whenever I anayse her dreams, do tarot or read leaves she always get the same message - pregnancy! ah well I can only wait and see.

Amber the puddleduck!

The Apple Orchard

Current Mood: contemplative
Sunday, November 12th, 2006
5:31 pm
Cocktails and stolen milk
I'm feeling quite happy today. Why shouldn't I be? I'm at uni, away from home and all the arguements between my mum and my sister, I have some really great friends here and a boyfriend so it's all good. I just tidied up my room, I didn't intend to though, i was looking for one of my quotations from poetry class which I need to compile a poem.Oops.

I can hear someone walking around downstairs which means one of my housemates are back, phew! This whole weekend I have spent without anyone else in my house which is was so strange, but it was ok because I stayed over Dave's so that I wouldn't feel lonely here. It's not like i'm afraid of being alone, I quite like it actually, but you kind of feel out of it here and I have no other forms of entertainment than a couple of books, music stored on my laptop and the internet as my DVD/ROM drive on my laptop is broken (sob).

I wrote my brother an email the other day, i did it whilst in bed with a headache after a drunken night with Mark. I wrote loads of funny stuff for my brother things he would only understand, we have these sayings and nicknames, some made up and others from our fave computer games or comedies. I'm looking forward to seeing him again next weekend. Oh and my brother in law informed me that he and Ju are coming down from Peterborough to see me when I get home which is good. I really think they will like Dave, seriously what's not to like about him!

Last night was good. Although Ed went home because he was feeling low, (hope he feels better soon) the night didn't seem too bad. Aimee, Adam, Selina, Dave and I went to Dolce Vita in Keynes College which is like a cocktail bar on saturday nights. We dranks loads of jugs...Blue Lagoon, Sex on the Beach and Lethal Injection and Dave and Selina drank the bad ones like White Russian and Snow White which had brandy in it eww! Failed to get me drunk in the slightest, what a rip off. Alex, Aimee's friend from back home joined us but I got my headache from the other night back again so Selina and Dave walked me home. I stayed for about an hour and then walked over to Dave's house to watch DVDs with him and Selina.

For some reason when I came back to my house about 12pm, I found all the cupboards in the kitchen open and the back door ajar. I don't remember it being open at all when I went out. Dave or Selina must have left it open perhaps, i don't know it was very wierd. I checked on our food and found that all they took was my milk, which was only half full anyway, what's with that? I asked Bunches whether he knew anything about it, but he didn't. I think Jason is back so I'll tell him. Stupid pissheads stealing our stuff again.

Current Mood: relaxed
Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
3:03 am
Body free of dust, mind without a care
I feel very tired again but i don't want to sleep. Today was quite a good day, it really started at 3am when me and Ed took Dave home after he stayed over our house for a bit, which was really nice though i think he finds our house boring. When me and Ed got back we just sat in the kitchen for a bit, eating food and chatting before we ourselves went to bed.

I woke up late, about 10.30 which i was bummed about coz i missed my lecture! doh! I slept in a bit after that, until i had to go to my poetry lecture which was cancelled anyway! Although my seminar was still on. I really like my poetry seminars, today we looked at quotations in poems.We had to as homework find 10 quotes we liked, so when we came into class we put them all in a big box where we each took 8 quotes by random out of it. The purpose of this was to create our own poems by mixing up, editing and adding onto the quotes. I have mine all splayed out on my desk, i'm looking forward to doing that activity later in the week.

When i got back Ed and I went food shopping, i managed to get a lot of stuff so i cooked spaghetti bolognaise which i was very proud of seeing as i havent cooked it before without someone's guidance!

Our old group all went out tonight which was really nice. Me, Selina, Ed, Dave, Aimee and Big Dave. I liked seeing Aimee again coz we hadn't seen her for a long time and she was very happy and hyper which was great. We all kinda want to live together, all six of us (well Simon as well but were not sure about that!) which is lovely to have so many people to want to live with but that means we might have to split up the group into two so it will work out, i hope it does!

I think Dave might be annoyed with me. I was quite grumpy with him coz he wasn't gonna come to the poetry lecture which i feel bad about, i want to apologise but hes not replying on msn. Tonight he hardly spoke a word to me, let alone hold my hand or anything. I hope hes ok with me

When Selina and Dave went home, and Ed and Aimee went inside his room Big Dave and I sat in the kitchen talking for an hour or so. I like talking to him, i don't usually get a chance to, and sometimes i find it hard to strike up a conversation about random meaningless things but we chatted about lots of stuff - relationships, work, religion, mental illness just to name a few! i like talking about deep stuff like that, its more satisfying than just normal chit chat. Well this entry is too long as it is so i'll leave it here.

Current Mood: complacent
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